Trusting God is hard. Especially when he tells you to do something that you're not really sure you want to do. Like calling it off with your boyfriend because God wants you're undivided attention. Yep. That's where my life is right now. I need to blog to get some of these feelings out. I'm so confused! Surely something so right can't feel this bad? If I heard from God, and I know I did, why does honouring him take so much strength. I feel like I'm being tested and it hurts so much. I can get over this hurt in time, its not my feelings I care about, it's his. I need to trust God to look after him and that's the hardest part. Especially when he was so sweet and caring about it all. I literally felt like my heart was being torn apart.
Enough. A new start. This is a season of singleness and I have to focus on God not on him. This is the hardest thing God has ever asked me to do. But it is for his glory and I will praise him in this storm. God please let him be alright, please take care of him and look after him.
Now I need to feel you in this place Lord, keep speaking, keep telling me I did right God! I need you more than ever! Help me to make you my one focus, my one desire, I give EVERYTHING to you now! My life, my plans, my present, past and future, it's yours. Let your will be done father. I love youand trust you, give me peace. Oh God, help me! Thankyou for this love, thank you for this peace. I love you, you are so gracious and so good. Bless your name O Lord! Amen.
Wednesday 29 February 2012
Wednesday 8 February 2012
A heart for God
Such an amazing day! I went to an all day french workshop today which was really useful! It was great to be able to talk in another language with other people who all share that same interest. I love france, and all cultures and languages, it's really where my heart is at. I know God spoke to me about The Ukraine and other nations and I've been putting it off so I can follow my own plan through but I'm really starting to fall in love with the idea of travelling again and teaching English abroad.
I went to a prayer metting this evening, which was awesome! During worship, the pastor shared a word about qualifications and people feeling unqualified to do God's work and he felt God say 'I have qualified you, you have all the qualifications you need to do my work'. I've been fretting about Uni and career prospectives, etc. for a while and wondering if I should go to university and get qualifications for my future but I've known all along in my heart that it's not for me. I really don't want to go to uni. And all those words God has given me about The Ukriane and 'sooner than you think', I've realised that perhaps he doesn't want me to either! My mum wants me to go I think, as well as a lot of my friends, but if God's not in it, there is no way I'm going! I want to be used for the glory of the kingdom of God!
I'm going to France on a mission trip in July, if I get on the team, and I'm praying God will make in clear then what he wants me to do. I'm very excited! If I have to leave people behind; friends and family, etc. in order to follow God's plan then so be it. There are some difficult decisions I need to make but I know my God and I trust him to do what isbest. Everything according to his plan. For his glory!
Tonight, as well as the qualifications word, I was praying with my small group and I heard God inaudibly say 'Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life' then my small group leader prophesied over me saying 'God wants to expand your heart', she said that I am pure and my heart for God is pure and he wants to expand me to love him more and more and refresh my heart for new things. She prayed over me to be used greatly at college and for God to renew the work he is doing there and increase in his spirit. So that was cool!
I really feel God wants me to guard my heart more, to love him first and greatest of all and to keep myself pure and uncorrupted by others and by this world. I love Jesus so much, I want my heart to beat for him alone. I don't want to live for anyone else but him! Yet I get distracted constantly by other people whom I love greatly too and I need to focus more on Jesus. Help me God. Thank you for your unconditional love, which loves me even when I don't spend time with you, when I don't do what you want and when I don't listen to you. Thank you that you never give up on me. I love you Jesus so very much, you mean everything to me father!
Let me be more like you, help me to spend more time with you in order to be more like you. Let everything I do be because of my love for you! I pray that would be the first thing on my mind when I wake and whenI sleep, let me be compelled by your love. Form my heart to be moulded into yours more. Holy Spirit, I recognise I need your helpto do this, transform me Lord, renew me. Lord, I long for you! My sould thirsts for you! You are so good Lord!
Love, your daughter, Abbie xxxxx
I went to a prayer metting this evening, which was awesome! During worship, the pastor shared a word about qualifications and people feeling unqualified to do God's work and he felt God say 'I have qualified you, you have all the qualifications you need to do my work'. I've been fretting about Uni and career prospectives, etc. for a while and wondering if I should go to university and get qualifications for my future but I've known all along in my heart that it's not for me. I really don't want to go to uni. And all those words God has given me about The Ukriane and 'sooner than you think', I've realised that perhaps he doesn't want me to either! My mum wants me to go I think, as well as a lot of my friends, but if God's not in it, there is no way I'm going! I want to be used for the glory of the kingdom of God!
I'm going to France on a mission trip in July, if I get on the team, and I'm praying God will make in clear then what he wants me to do. I'm very excited! If I have to leave people behind; friends and family, etc. in order to follow God's plan then so be it. There are some difficult decisions I need to make but I know my God and I trust him to do what isbest. Everything according to his plan. For his glory!
Tonight, as well as the qualifications word, I was praying with my small group and I heard God inaudibly say 'Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life' then my small group leader prophesied over me saying 'God wants to expand your heart', she said that I am pure and my heart for God is pure and he wants to expand me to love him more and more and refresh my heart for new things. She prayed over me to be used greatly at college and for God to renew the work he is doing there and increase in his spirit. So that was cool!
I really feel God wants me to guard my heart more, to love him first and greatest of all and to keep myself pure and uncorrupted by others and by this world. I love Jesus so much, I want my heart to beat for him alone. I don't want to live for anyone else but him! Yet I get distracted constantly by other people whom I love greatly too and I need to focus more on Jesus. Help me God. Thank you for your unconditional love, which loves me even when I don't spend time with you, when I don't do what you want and when I don't listen to you. Thank you that you never give up on me. I love you Jesus so very much, you mean everything to me father!
Let me be more like you, help me to spend more time with you in order to be more like you. Let everything I do be because of my love for you! I pray that would be the first thing on my mind when I wake and whenI sleep, let me be compelled by your love. Form my heart to be moulded into yours more. Holy Spirit, I recognise I need your helpto do this, transform me Lord, renew me. Lord, I long for you! My sould thirsts for you! You are so good Lord!
Love, your daughter, Abbie xxxxx
Monday 6 February 2012
Jesus is my best friend
I love Jesus so much! He is so good! I sometimes get uncertain about the future and about God's timing but there is no need! God's call and gifts are irrevocable: his promises are true and they will happen! God is good! There is no need to be anxious because what he says will happen will always happen in his perfect timing!
I love Jesus more than anyone or anything in the world and I will do anything he asks of me, He died for me on a cross so that I would be free! Thank you Jesus! Thank you! There is NOTHING I can do to make him love me more or less than he does! I'm holding on to you Jesus! Never let me go! How great you are God! Blessed be your name! Thank you for loving me, for freeing me from sin, for choosing me to be your daughter and for delighting in me! Thank you my dear, lovely, strong, father! How I do love you dad! I love you! Please help me to be more like you, for you are good!
When I am weak, you are strong! I will not fear for you are near God!!! Thank you for keeping me safe! Jesus you are my king! Reign in me forever! Jesus if you never do another thing for me I will still love you! It isn't possible to not love you for you are so great and worthy to be praised! How I love it when you smile at me, when you talk to me, when you give me gifts, when I go through good times and bad times I know you are there!
I pray my life would be fruitful with fruits of the holy spirit! More Lord! More of you in my life! Change me to be more Christ like! Whenever I falter, your love is an anchor and a refuge for my soul! AMEN!
Jesus is so good, so worthy of my praise! I love you father God! :)
I love Jesus more than anyone or anything in the world and I will do anything he asks of me, He died for me on a cross so that I would be free! Thank you Jesus! Thank you! There is NOTHING I can do to make him love me more or less than he does! I'm holding on to you Jesus! Never let me go! How great you are God! Blessed be your name! Thank you for loving me, for freeing me from sin, for choosing me to be your daughter and for delighting in me! Thank you my dear, lovely, strong, father! How I do love you dad! I love you! Please help me to be more like you, for you are good!
When I am weak, you are strong! I will not fear for you are near God!!! Thank you for keeping me safe! Jesus you are my king! Reign in me forever! Jesus if you never do another thing for me I will still love you! It isn't possible to not love you for you are so great and worthy to be praised! How I love it when you smile at me, when you talk to me, when you give me gifts, when I go through good times and bad times I know you are there!
I pray my life would be fruitful with fruits of the holy spirit! More Lord! More of you in my life! Change me to be more Christ like! Whenever I falter, your love is an anchor and a refuge for my soul! AMEN!
Jesus is so good, so worthy of my praise! I love you father God! :)
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